I’ve always thought that throughout primary school an individual should only speak when spoken to. Kids to young adults in primary school usually live with some sort of guardian, and must abide by the guardians rules. You’re told how to live and lectured on what and what not to do. Personally I’ve had a problem speaking my mind because of this reason. This has become such a big problem that I will even tiptoe around subjects in my writing because I don’t want to blatantly state out my thoughts. I’ve treated my life thus far like I’m in a shell and believed that once I enter college the true outgoing Kendall will pop out. The other day I had a mock interview for a HR job. After the interview the individual commented on my personality when I first entered the room and shook his hand.He said I seemed like a very down to earth guy which is a quality needed in every job’s culture. When he told me this I was stunned because I know a few of my friends and family that would disagree with his statement and others that would find him to be accurate. With all these people in my life I never say what I think to them because of the stop signs and prohibitions that were put in my mind since I was a kid. The real Kendall has yet to show his true face which has caused others to make assumptions of his personality. I always act different according to who I’m with. I have not yet found a good median between the different people I associate with and their diverse cultures. From the black community I grew up in, to the American stereotypical Starbuck drinkers I could not find a way to act that would satisfy both groups, while not having them find me to be weird and or awkward.
Today I regret my decisions of attempting to please everyone, which is another factor, along with growing up without a voice, of why I lost my true thought. Because I never stated the thoughts I’ve had I lost the original thoughts and comprised them to what is acceptable depending on who I’m with. It’s going to take a lot of time to find my original thoughts and then use them for the first time. This progress of finding who I am, being confident about who I am, then expressing to others what kind of person I am will most likely take a longer time than it took for me to lose my real thoughts. This blind living style I’ve had up to now impacts my whole life, for example it would be wise to figure out who I am before marriage or before I’m helping my kids find out who they are.
Now I’ll end this somewhat depressing post on a more positive aspect, which is ways to avoid losing yourself so you won’t find yourself in the same predicament as myself. Parents play a gigantic part as an individual discovers they are. Society leaves it to the parents to discuss what’s right and wrong and any morals to honor through life. It’s the parents job to decide what they can teach their kid such as beliefs. After parents and society layout the rules and beliefs of life it is the individuals choice to pick what they want and don’t want to follow. During life if the individual chooses to not follow some rule than they receive the punishment and it’s up to them to learn from it or not. So the solution to find who you are without others telling you is to adhere to the power of freedom.
“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.”
― Jim Morrison